I lost my dad when I was 7 years old. I am raised by the strongest woman who never made me feel that I lag something but still I have been grown up with that constant prick in my mind that how amazing it would have been if dad was here. I was so unfamiliar with the word, “dad”, I still am and will always be. The trauma of losing my beloved never went. It still persists. Being always a vulnerable kid I was told by my loved ones to be not this sensitive because it's going to hurt no one but me. I was fat or in the language of society, I was ugly and grew up listening to people telling me how unattractive I was and needed to be changed with amazing fat losing ideas in addition. I thought all this never affected me but in my teenage when I was introduced to a whole different world, just like everyone I also started building castles of my fairy tale. This time body shaming, temporary things, and negative surroundings started affecting like never before and I didn’t even realise when it succumbed all my self-esteem, and my mind got polluted to the extent that I myself started believing that I was ugly, I wasn’t enough and I maybe I went wrong somewhere. I became the most confident low esteemed person. Later, I started defending myself with the name of self-love, but I never started practicing it actually. I was so much dipped in the insecurities which never let me grow. No idea when these thoughts became so powerful that they still have an effect on me. I am still not comfortable in my skin. All these are some of the piled-up reasons for my mental illness. So coming to that, I have been in depression, anxiety, and have borderline personality disorder for more than three years now. It was very miserable to take all that in, especially in my mid-teenage. The stigma and labels like dramatic made it even worse. But gradually I started coping up, my healing process started. I am still coping up but would say in a better way. However, have a long way to go. But in these years, along with battling I learned a lot and shaped into different but a better person. I started voicing against what is wrong and shaping out the stereotypes which most of us face and those ruin us as humans. Now I am on my journey of unlearning all these wrong patterns, being comfortable in my skin, and giving importance to my mental health and on my way, I just keep putting my heart out through writings, speaking or whatever way possible with the hope that maybe this could help even a single soul.
Now I am a vulnerable yet empowered woman who lives unapologetically with the goal of empowering everyone including herself.